It has been a bit quiet around here. My writing goes through seasons where I have an abundance of words flowing from my fingertips and times where my words have no form as they swirl around the crevices of my heart and mind.
I am told that my writing is like reading my diary. It wasn’t meant to be a compliment. It was a message that implied that I share too much of my thoughts and feelings.
The way I see it, that is the problem with our world. We keep our feelings crammed inside of ourselves. When we are stopped up, we tend to blow up and have no healthy space to show empathy toward anyone else. We don’t know how to effectively handle them so we keep them close.
We are afraid to feel. Our world has this mentality that too much emotion is a bad thing. I am told I am too sensitive. I feel too much. Ironically, I used to have over-active tear ducts and had to have them plugged. Why are we emotionally plugging our tear ducts? Why are we so afraid to feel and show others that we are not robots who move from day to day, maniacally, as if feelings are hot lava underneath our feet? Heaven forbid we stand too long in our feelings and scorch our skin.
While my thoughts and feelings may not be your truth, they are mine. When I share with you, it opens a door for you to share with me. It sends a message that you are not alone.
We were placed on this earth to be in relationships, life-giving relationships. I have people in my life who know what I am feeling in my silence as well as my words. I have deep-rooted relationships with those who fully see me, flaws and all, and love me anyway. These friendships are the result of me being open and honest with those around me.
Some can handle it, others turn away.
I am okay with that. I have lost people dear to me who don’t have the capacity in their lives for what I offer. I do not judge them for that. They have to do what is best for their life in their season.
But I am still going to be me, sensitive and empathetic. I am ready to walk with you in your pain and grief, joy and peace. I am unafraid to sit with you in a pool of feelings that we may not be able to process at the moment.
The words on this page are a part of my healing and processing the abundance of emotions I feel daily. If this is too much for you, feel free to walk away. There may be a time where you need to return, to have someone sit with you and feel what you feel in your silence.
Come on back.
I will be here.
Leah Lively 